How good are you at asking questions? ‘Fess up now, be honest. A lot of people think they are asking questions, when what they are really doing is something else entirely.
What makes a question good anyway? We’ll get to that answer and some tips that will help you in just a moment.
In our last digest, I told the world that I am focusing this year on the bright side of life. I gave us all this challenge.
“See if any of these words–even just one–touch you. Then wrap your arms around it and enjoy. Maybe share it with a friend or a new friend you haven’t even met yet!”
I focused on joy. I looked for people who were doing cool things or fun things or happy things. Here is what I found.
One of my besties invited me to a swing dance class. (You may laugh now.) “There will only be about 4 or 5 people in the intro class,” she promised.
Wrong. There were at least 30 people in the intro class. Most of us only knew the person we came with. None of us knew what we were doing. The instructor instructed, and my bestie turned on her enthusiasm and showed us what to do.
We–a whole bunch of strangers–had a blast. We laughed at ourselves, introduced ourselves, and stumbled over directions together. No one was judging anyone.
That, my friends, is joy. I challenge you to find joy where you are–watching the birds, meeting new people, or just breathing in the joy of living day by day.
Now, back to what makes a good question.
One thing that I learned from 15 years at Vistage, an organization that provides coaching and peer advisers for C-Suite executives, is that when most of us think that we are asking questions, what we are really doing is giving advice.
Just because a sentence ENDS with a question mark does not mean that it is really asking a question.
Here is what this might look like:
James, a CEO of a medium-sized engineering firm, shared his problem with his Vistage group.
Questioning or Recommending?
“I’m stuck on what to do with a couple of employees who seem to be showing up just so they can collect a paycheck. Their poor attitude is impacting other employees. I’d get rid of them, but I can’t find someone to replace them. I don’t know what to do.”
At that point, the other members in the group asked “questions” to help James with his problem. What typically happened was those members didn’t ask questions; they made recommendations disguised as questions.
“Have you thought about . . .”
“What if you . . .”
“Have you tried . . .”
See how those seem like questions in punctuation, but are really just suggestions dressed up in question mark hats?
Instead of those, ask:
What options are you considering?
Who do you know who could help with this situation?
What outcome do you want?
The art of asking good questions is an important one. Good questions can spark innovation and new ideas. They can bring together a team and help draw out untapped talents and skills.
If you want to get better at asking quality questions, check out some of the links below.
Want to be the leader who inspires others to greatness with just the strength of a profoundly worded question? You have come to the right place!
Check out How Good Are You at Asking Effective Questions to tap into the #1 thing that you need before you ask amazing questions, and lots of impactful questions already written for you to try out.
Want to be the type of engineer or employee that asks fearless questions? The kind of bold questions that spark innovation and new ideas? Then today’s article is for you. Check out The Art of Asking Fearless Questions.
Asking good questions goes hand-in-hand with giving amazing feedback. If you want to be the leader that does both, check out Feedback in 15 min. for a quick guide to start giving better feedback now.
Meet the book that asks the question “what if ‘small talk’ was replaced with conversations that really matter?” What a fantastic idea!
Making a purchase from one of the links below returns a small portion of the sale to MentorLoft.
From the publisher:
He unpacks the art of asking questions that lay the foundation for trust, psychological safety, productivity, and impact. Chad complements Will’s personal stories and examples with fascinating facts and nuances in neuroscience that are behind the art of asking. Together, the art of asking and the science behind it join to create a simple and powerful framework for leaders to build a culture of connection. In his book, Will and Chad break it down into six simple steps for all of us to be able to understand.
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